Forgotten: Book 1 (Bully romance) (Redemption Series)

  Chapter one

  The worst day of my life had come on a warm day at the end of April, it was exactly the kind of day I usually loved. The sun was shining and there was a slight breeze in the air that meant it didn’t feel too hot. I’d always loved spring, it was the start of life with new flowers blooming and animals being born. We’d always taken a trip to a farm every year since I was young because it was always my favourite time to go, my favourite family tradition. There would be no trip this year though instead, I sat in a hospital, next to a bed where the ghost of my mother lay dying. She hadn’t been my mum these past few months but it still hurt to see her, laying there frail and skin so thin and white it was like it was see-through. You could see every bone in her face, I held onto her hand trying not to squeeze too tightly in fear I might break her bony fingers. Her eyes were shut and we’d already been told she wouldn’t wake again, she’d been taken off the machines and all that was left was the morphine drip that would let her slip away peacefully. She’d been fighting for two years but it’d been late when they’d found the cancer. She had bone cancer, Osteosarcoma, usually only found in children or young adults, but she was 35 when they diagnosed her after misdiagnosing her a few times, she’d been told it was muscle strain where she went to the gym so much, then they suspected it might be sciatica, then arthritis. A year on from when she’d first gone to the doctors the c-word was finally mentioned and all because a new doctor had started working, a young women fresh into the field who could think outside the box, she’d been misdiagnosed because she wasn’t the right age for it, even though it had happened before, sure it was rare but it happened. We heard all the excuses including underfunding and overworked GP’s, but we all knew it was because they’d become cynical, no longer was it the profession they’d been so excited to join in their younger years, instead they’d grown cold and distant, patients now blurred in as one and they didn’t care enough to really check out the symptoms. So when someone came in with fresh eyes who wanted to help, my mother finally got her diagnosis. Then things got worse, after running all the tests we found out it was stage 4 and with my mum's age chances of surviving were slim. She was a fighter always had been and she went through her treatment like it was nothing, never once complaining not even when she lost her hair. Instead, she knitted herself fun hats during her chemotherapy to wear, and she’d knit me matching ones, we'd spend the days where she felt well enough wearing our hats in front of the TV and giggling, a distant memory now that caused tears to burn my eyes. The treatment hadn’t worked and things hit rock bottom, and she started to die right before my eyes, six months ago roughly you could see it take her not just her appearance but her soul too. She turned fragile and thin, she started to become volatile. My mother had always been kind even when I pushed her buttons, even when I got to my teenage years and started to rebel, she never once raised her voice to me, she always treated me with patience and love, a hippy through and through, but those six months made her mean and nasty snapping at those who tried to help her. She was always so strong and I could tell it hurt her to need help and so she took it out on those who cared for her. I still remember her last good day it was two months ago, she suddenly seemed better, she had an appetite and we sat in front of the TV, watching her favourite movies and ate ice cream. I stayed with her until she fell asleep, I remember begging her silently whilst I watched her sleep to still be my mum when she woke up, to be the women who tucked me into bed at night and read me stories. The woman who had shown me love, and the kind of person I wanted to be when I grew up. Instead, she woke up worse than before, that was the day we had to rush her to the hospital. The nightmare continued and she continued to fade away, until yesterday when she slipped into a coma the doctors said she would never come out of. So here we sat my dad and me each holding one of her hands, in silence. The woman who kept us together and whole was leaving us and there was nothing we could do. I felt her hand squeeze mine and I’m not sure how I knew but I did, she was saying goodbye it was like I could hear her breath leave her lungs for the last time. I looked up at my father as he placed his hand over her heart, a single tear trickled down his face, I’d never seen him cry before forever the strong man who made everything better, but here he was, tears piling up in his eyes as he looked at me.

  “She's gone.” Two simple words, that’s all it took for my world to crumble around me and I felt my own tears burn down my face, I dry heaved as I dropped my mother's hand and ran to the bathroom next to her room. I got the toilet just in time as I bought up what little was in my stomach. It was mainly water anyway. I hadn’t been hungry for the past two days, but it still burned. I collapsed to the floor and let out a cry like an injured wild animal and wrapped my arms around my legs. I’m not sure how long I sat like that, it could have been minutes, hours even days and I wouldn’t have known the difference. Eventually, I felt strong arms wrap around me. Like a small child being picked up by her daddy, I clung to my father's shirt as he carried me to the car and we drove home in silence. I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep but as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out. It was a dreamless night and I would always be thankful for it, a few minutes of peace was the last thing I expected but I was grateful for the break from my world because I knew tomorrow would be worse. Tomorrow would be the first full day without my mother being on this Earth, the day we'd have to start planning the funeral. The start of our new lives without her.

  Chapter Two

  The funeral went by with a blur, my boyfriend Tom held my hand the entire time. The front seats were void of family, both my parents had been only children and the only living relative I had was my grandmother on my father's side, but she was in a home her mind failing her. I’d been fine when we got there but as soon as I’d seen her coffin with her picture on top I’d lost it, tears had burst from my eyes with no chance to stop them, the picture had been one taken a few years back, my mother in her favourite place on Earth, our garden surrounded by beautiful flowers in all colours and variety. Her brown hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, her bright blue eyes sparkling as she smiled past the camera lovingly. I knew the person who’d taken the picture was my father it’s the same look I’d grown up with. If true love was real, my parents were the shining example, I remembered all the kisses and hugs I’d seen growing up. They loved being together and they showed me so much love as well. I’d always felt like the luckiest girl in the world, growing up in such a happy environment, most of my friend's parents had either divorced or barely tolerated each other. I didn’t really hear what the woman at the front was saying but then I heard my name mentioned, I took a deep breath begging myself to hold it in just a little longer. Tom helped me to my feet and I slowly walked to the podium, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, trying but failing to keep everything out of my head. I looked at the crowd in front of me and unfolded the piece of paper in my hand. I'd wanted it to be personal and from the heart so I’d written the poem myself, but I hadn’t considered the fact that I’d have to bare my soul to this crowd of people. I counted to ten trying to keep my voice as steady as I could.

  “The ghost of your footprints will forever be on the Earth,

  In the flowers, in a bird song, in every single gust of wind,

  I know we promised not to cry, but there’s too much hurt to hide behind,

  No longer are you here to kiss away my tears and fears.

  But I’ll hold on through every memory, every laugh, and smile.

  And although I wish I could be held in your arms one last time,

  I know the ghost of your footprints will forever be in my heart.”

  I refused to make eye contact with anyone else as I made my way back to my

  seat, but I felt Tom’s arms wrap around me and I finally let myself break completely, I sobbed silently into his shoulder. I couldn’t have told you what happened during the rest of the funeral it hurt too much to pay attention to the woman at the front saying goodbye to my mother, a woman she never knew. I only knew it was over when Tom dragged me outside I tried to avoid everyone else, not wanting to hear any more words of condolence, no one ever tells you how fed up get with hearing the word sorry over and over again. I felt a hand slip in my free hand and I looked up to see my best friend Amy, she looked straight forward knowing at that moment I didn’t need pity, I just needed them there, my heart soared at the love I felt surrounded with and knew my mother would have been proud to see it. She’d never been sure of Tom but at that moment I knew she would have loved him because without him I wasn’t sure how I’d of gotten through the last few days. He’d showed up silently the morning after and hadn’t left my side since. My father hadn’t said anything, usually Tom wasn’t allowed to stay the night but he allowed it knowing I needed the comfort. The only times Tom and I had spoken was when he was asking if I needed anything, he hadn’t pushed me to talk knowing I’d open up when I was ready. I squeezed my best friend’s hand.

  “Thank you,” I whispered to both of them, Tom kissed the top of my head and my Amy looked at me tears glistening her eyes.

  “You don’t need to thank us Serenity, you’re our family that means being there through all the shit too,” Amy said her voice strong and full of conviction, and yes my name is Serenity, of course, an obvious choice for my hippy mum, my dad was much more straight-laced, my father was already in the army when they married only a short three months after meeting each
other, they’d always joked about how opposite they were and it couldn’t have been true. My mother the all-around hippy, who worked from home thanks to her successful blog ‘Happy hippy happy life.’ it was full of tips and tricks for those who wanted to live a more natural life, she was always in long flowy dresses and she made her perfume using the flowers from our garden. My father had been in the army until my mother had been diagnosed, when he finally retired now he worked for a security firm, as a bodyguard for the important people in the country. They were chalk and cheese and yet they’d merged perfectly bringing out the best in each other.

  By the time we reached the wake it was already crowded. I saw my mums friend Sue walking over to me before I could say anything she pulled me into a tight hug then as she pulled away she placed a glass of white wine into my hand.

  “If there’s ever a reason to drink your troubles away this is it babydoll.” She said kissing me on the cheek, her bright prink hair tickling me.

  “Thanks.” I sighed after taking a big gulp.

  “I’m always here you know, your mother was a sister to me and this world is a colder place without her in it. When you’re ready to talk you have my number.” She smiled down at me as I bit my lip to stop the tears burning behind my eyes and nodded. She gave me one last kiss on the cheek and disappeared through the crowd to welcome a few stragglers that had just walked in. I made my way over to my father who was talking to a tall woman with bright blonde hair, and green eyes, she wore a fitted black dressed and black heels with the red bottoms. Her breasts looked like they were about to burst out of the dress and I wondered if they were fake. She touched my father's arm and I felt rage build up inside me. My mother ashes were still hot and she was hitting on him?

  “Serenity. You remember Lucy Ambrose?” He asked as I joined them and the rage completely disappeared. Of course, I remembered Lucy, her husband had been Jack, my father's closest friend who had thrown himself on a grenade to save the lives on his team, including my father.

  “Serenity, it’s been too long, you’ve grown so much my beautiful girl.” She said her soft voice wrapping around me as she pulled me into a hug, I hugged her back tightly, I’d been so close to her when Jack had passed, my mother and father did everything they could to help her and her son Atlas, her son hadn’t wanted anything to do with us, the memory of his father too fresh he’d pulled away from everyone, it had hurt because we were like best friends. Lucy had moved away when she remarried, I remembered to wedding well I had only been 11, but I was a bridesmaid and got to wear a beautiful red dress and a tiara because Lucy had said every princess should wear one. Atlas had looked like he was about to set fire to the church the entire time and then stormed out before the sit-down meal. I hadn’t seen him or Lucy since that day, they’d moved to the other end of the country. I still remembered the look of hatred in Atlas’s eyes last time I saw him, gone was the funny boy with a lopsided smile who teased me and pulled my hair, but still kissed my knee when I fell off of my bike.

  “I didn’t expect to see you, it’s so far to travel,” I said as we released each other.

  “I couldn’t not be here for you and your father, after everything you did for me.” She said, tears appearing in the corner of her eyes, “Plus I thought I’d stay for a few days and catch up with you guys 5 years has been too long.” She said taking my hand. I smiled up at her and finished off the wine I still had in my glass. The rest of the wake passed quickly with endless streams of people hugging me and telling me how sorry they were, when I finally stumbled into my room at the end of the night I’d never been so relieved for a day to end. I looked in the mirror to check the damage for the day, my dark brown hair had fallen out of the messy bun I’d put it in and the full curly hair reached my waist. My face was pale with a light dusting of freckles over my button nose, my bright blue eyes were red and puffy, my full lips were dry and cracked, I pulled off the plain black dress I’d worn, underneath I was wearing matching red underwear. My breasts were a c cup and I was proud of my little handful, my waist pulled in at the middle and flared out at my hips, my thighs were thick and full, my stomach was flat and toned thanks to the gym membership Amy and I had gotten together last year. I pulled on my some sleep shorts and took my bra off and slipped on a vest top and slipped into bed. Tom had, had to go home as he had work early tomorrow so I was alone for the first time since the night my mother had passed away. My sleep was no longer void of dreams, the nightmares swirled around me. I was in a deep hole and no matter how much I screamed for them they didn’t turn their heads. I was all alone.

  Chapter Three

  My head ached and my mouth was dry and felt of cotton. I’d never had a hangover before, I’d never actually drunk before either. It was hell and the sun creeping around the sides of my curtains made me feel like my head was about to explode. I dragged myself out of bed slowly, swearing silently to myself at the aches in my body and made my way slowly downstairs. My father was already seated at the breakfast table next to Lucy who already looked beautifully put together in simple black trousers and a pale pink blouse. Her hair flowed down her back in loose curls and there was a sparkle in her green eyes as she laughed at something my father had said. I poured myself a bowl of bran flakes and sat down next to my father.

  “Morning sweets, how’s your head feeling this morning?” She asked turning to face me. I gave a non-committal grunt and she laughed.

  “Too many glasses of wine.” My father chuckled nudging me. It was nice to see him smiling for properly for the first time since my mother had died and it cheered me up slightly. As I tucked into my food his phone rung.

  “Work.” He grumbled and answered wandering into the living room.

  “Are you excited about university?” Lucy asked filling the silence.

  “I guess, I just need to keep my fingers crossed that I’ve got the grades I need for my top choice.” The anxiety and the thought of it filled my stomach again and I pushed away the bowl no longer feeling hungry.

  “Well your father told me you’re extremely smart and worked hard at during you A-Levels so I’m sure you haven’t anything to worry about. I just wish I could say the same for that son of mine. He’s clever, but that makes him feel like he doesn’t need to try.” She sighed and my thoughts went to Atlas again. I wondered if he’d ever been able to move on after his fathers death. My thoughts were cut short as my father came back into the room rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, a nervous tick of his.

  “I’ve been offered a big job.” He simply said as he sat back down.

  “Well that’s good, you’ve been hoping for more work.” I say wondering why he seemed so upset about it.

  “It’s in Brussels.” My heart plummeted, I couldn’t leave the country I needed to get through university, I had my own future to plan for I’d worked so hard for it.

  “If you don’t want me to take it I won’t.” He said quickly seeing my panic written all over my face.

  “Why wouldn’t you take it?” Lucy asked looking between us eyebrow raised.

  “Serenity needs to finish university. I can’t drag her out of the country for a year and I don’t feel comfortable leaving her by herself after everything.” He says placing his hand on top of mine and giving me a warm smile.

  “What were you choices?” Lucy asked smiling at me.

  “Henrietta.” I say my heart skipped a beat, but I could only go there if I got top grades, the competition to get into there was cut throat. I look up at Lucy and she’s got a massive grin on her face.

  “Perfect, that’s where my son has applied to as well, my husband is one of the politics professors. Did you put down any other choices?” She asks, I shake my head, it was stupid but with everything that was going on I didn’t have the time, my mum needed me and I didn’t want to miss a second with her. Getting all my coursework and exams done had been hard enough, but I’d promised her I’d apply to Henrietta and I couldn’t let her down.